are they siblings?

If one more person asks me, in front of my children, "are they siblings?" my head is going to explode. I always arrange my face into an appearance of confusion and reply in a confiding sort of voice, "Of course, aren't yours?"

just don't, adoption

own or adopted?

This just sets my teeth on edge:


When we adopt them, they become our own! That's the whole point of adoption. If my kids are not my own, what are they doing sleeping in the beds upstairs? Are they loaners? rentals? am I merely hosting them?

I sent a very polite letter to the company.

Hi,

I just took a survey from you that included this screen. Apparently whoever authored this page is a bit confused about adoption. When we adopt children they become our own - that being the whole point of adopting. The phrase "own or adopted" really makes no sense, and has some hurtful overtones. I'm sure you can do better in the future.

Best wishes,

Suzanne

I'll let you know if I hear from them. I'm going to go eat some chocolate now and try to calm down.

adoption+language

ayat

It's time to celebrate a month of anniversaries. Two years ago today we gained custody of the kids. Here's the link if you want to go wander down memory lane with me: At Last.

adoption, russian adoption

pics from Russia database

Have I shown you this before? This was Chickadee's photo from her listing on the Russian Federal Database. It is the only picture we have of her prior to our meeting her in April of 2006. In this shot, she is about 3 years old (July 2004) and about 18 pounds.

Why so small? She explains it well. Here is a conversation we had in February of 2007:

She sings all the time. This morning's song:

I love my mama.
Yes I do.
I love my mama.
Yes I do.

My Ruskie mama.
No I eat.
My Ruskie mama.
No I eat.

I love my mama.
Eat. Eat. Eat.
I love my mama.
Eat. Eat. Eat.

My mama loves me.
Eat. Eat. Eat.
My mama loves me.
Eat. Eat. Eat.

My Ruskie mama . . .

The song stops. A small voice asks, "Mama, did Ruskie Mama love me?"
"Yes."
"Why no I eat?"

And here is Dandy's database picture. We are less sure of when it was taken.

The Day We Met You by Phoebe Koehler

This is a sweet and simple little book addressing infant adoption which Chickadee loves to have read to her. Our favorite page in The Day We Met You is the one that describes the feeling of love.

You felt like the sun shining inside us.

go read this

Just go read this post on a blog of a family that has been waiting for their second child for almost three years.

18 months in

A year and a half ago today our plane landed in Chicago and our kids became US citizens. Hours later another plane landed in Seattle and we were picked up and driven home. A year and a half ago today -- a mere 18 months -- our children walked into our home for the first time. We were still speaking Russglish back then, still using sign language, still essentially strangers to one another. Twas merely a year and a half ago.

How did we celebrate? My Gift worked overtime and I took the children first to class with me (last night WHoo HOOO) and then to a Ron Paul party to celebrate our successful convention. I did mention that 80% of the delegates from our county are Ron Paul's people, didn't I? We had much to celebrate.

IEP: Individual Education Plan

Today I met with my local school district to discuss Chickadee's IEP, even though she does not attend the local school. We have a rather cool option here, in that she is home-schooled and attends classes with other home-schoolers in the district. Because the school provides the administrative aspects of the classes, the district gets to keep us on their rosters (think funding) but the parents get to keep the control. I sign her up for the classes that are useful and ignore the rest. We go -- or not -- as we wish. She has taken dance, and art, and sign language there and will start 4-morning-a-week kindergarten next month.

Anyway, because we are in their home-school program, we can use the school's support services as if we were regular enrollees. So we had Chickadeee assessed last month and yes indeed she qualifies for services.

I've shared before about her linguistic abilities, so she will get speech therapy once a week to work on making intelligible sounds. She is also far far below her peers in fine-motor skills, cutting along the line, tracing, etc., and well below her peers in gross-motor skills, so she'll have Occupational Therapy also once a week. Both of these will happen on the same day at the school around the corner. How convenient is that?

If you know Chickadee in person, you are probably not at all surprised to hear about the speech therapy. The OT may take you by surprise though, as she seems nicely coordinated for her size. You look at her and think she is just fine for a four-year-old. And she is indeed just fine for a four-year old. Except that she is not a four-year old, she is a six-and-a-half year old.

your own real kids (snarky)

Grrrrrr . . . At the doctor's office the other day the children's Russian background became apparent which brought us to the topic of adoption. The other lady made a tactless remark about own kids, to which I arranged my face into an appearance of perplexity. She failed to take the hint and rephrased her thought into another statement involving the words real kids.

Me: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood, or perhaps I wasn't clear. We adopted them. Adopted means that they become our own real kids. That's kinda the point.

Her: No, that's not what I meant.

Me: I understand what you meant. My children also understood what you meant. That is why I am clarifying what adoption means. It means we are a real family and these are my own kids.

Her: Oh. Yeah. Uhm. Sorry . . .

adoption, snark

adoption blogpost round-up

This month's Adoption Blogpost Round-up is hosted over at Mommy Monsters. Our theme for October is What I wish I'd known about adoption (but didn't think to ask).

Here is the coding for the button with the link to the round-up. It'd be nice if you added it to the bottom of whichever post you submit.

<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://mommymonsters.blogspot.com/2007/10/mom-alert-adoption-carnival-ahead.html"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 200px;" src="http://lh6.google.com/image/chndlrsblog/Rl-D4eSN_CI/AAAAAAAAB3Y/wxh3w8CVsV4/adoption%20blogpost%20roundup%20button.JPG?imgmax=288" alt="" border="0" /></a>

Nuturing Adoptions by Deborah Gray

Has anyone read Nurturing Adoptions: Creating Resilience After Neglect and Trauma yet? It's the latest book from Deborah Gray (of Attaching in Adoption fame). I'd love to hear a bit about it before I spend the $ on it.

ayat: Zurich to Chicago to Seattle to Home

A year ago today we were enduring the (up until then) hardest experience of my life: 36 hours of travel with little people.

At about 6pm Pacific Time on the 18th, think "The Chandlers are at the airport now." Enjoy your evening. Go to bed. Get a good night's rest. Appreciate that. Get up in the morning. Think "The Chandlers are still either in an airport or in an airplane." Think this through breakfast, through lunch, and through dinner. Go to bed. Fluff your pillows. Drift off to sleep. At about midnight, wake up to think "The Chandlers have finally left the airport. Now they are in a car on the freeway." Pray for our safety. Go back to sleep.

Twas sweet indeed, to see our own home again.

Thus endeth this ayat series. I hope you have enjoyed it. Looking back at the early days has been informative to me. My word, it was hard at first, and I didn't even post the worst stuff. During our first few days we were near despair, thinking we had wrecked our lives and seeing no escape. If you are reading all this as a pre-adoptive parent, or fellow adopter of older children, take heart.

We have no regrets. Plenty of hard days and discouragement, but no regrets. Most of the time we are quite sure that we got the best ones.






Social Bookmarking

ayat: Moscow to Zurich

A year ago today I'm not real sure where we were, as the date line has me all muddled up. But here's a link to a post that is claiming to be Sept 19th, 2006.

ayat: Moscow

A year ago today we were staggering around Moscow, jet-lagged, sleep-deprived, and weary inside and out. There is no post to link to for this day, as we spent the whole day walking walking walking, hoping to tucker out a certain insomniac young boy.

This was the day we visited the Kremlin, did the St Basil's pics, and learned of Dandy's deep and abiding dislike of ketchup. I posted about all this a year ago tomorrow.

ayat: Khabarovsk to Moscow

A year ago today we were on the most vile flight ever as we flew across Russia to Moscow. Here they are, first-time travelers: poor dears.

ayat: almost leaving

A year ago today we were having a farewell dinner with the other families in the MarKuel apartments.

ayat: packing

A year ago today we were packing for departure to Moscow.

We are packing! Joyfully gratefully merrily packing! 24 hours from now we will be at the airport and I don’t care how long or cramped or bumpy the flight is, we won’t be in this flat.

ayat: still in Khabarovsk

A year ago today we were still in Khabarovsk, toodling about.

ayat: a happy day

A year ago today we were all well and in jolly moods and we had a marvelous day.

ayat: Family Day!

A year ago today our court decree finalized which made our adoption process complete. September 12th is the 'birthday' of our family.