My darling daughter just revealed to me she does not argue and sass and backtalk her science teacher at our co-op, nor her gymnastics teacher, nor her art teacher. Why not? Cause she doesn't like to get in trouble in front of other kids, she reports.
So, she recognizes what is unacceptable and controls it for these other people, but dishes it out at home.
Because the consequences in public (humiliation) matter. And the consequences at home (scoldings) don't. So obviously I have to up the consequences at home. What would be fitting? I'm too ticked off, and too Lexapro-tweaked to judge.
1 comment:
You know, I think she may have turned a corner. Once I calmed down, I told
her that she had hurt my feelings, giving her sweet behavior to others and
rude behavior to me. I asked her what she would think if I smiled and was
friendly to all the other men we ran into each day, and grumbly and grouchy
with my husband. She said that that would be awful because he is the one
who is so nice to me and works hard and buys our family food. The lightbulb
went on right about then and she has been much better and is even aware of
the improvement as she proclaims it at the end of the day.
That being said, I think you are on to something with reward vs loss. I'm
going to tuck this into my toolbox.
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