The Gift really needs a haircut. Here is my plan.
First I bought a home haircut kit.
Then I learned to use my new home haircut kit on my formerly handsome but ever-good-natured son.
I then showed the formerly handsome Dandy to the Shaggy-Haired Gift, saying, "I'll be happy to cut your hair for you after work tomorrow."
I'm obviously expecting that he will get a proper cut on the way home. If not, I did warn him and even if I botch his as badly as I did Dandy's, it couldn't look worse than it does now.