4.19.2007

parenting lessons: caution! soul-baring ahead

and now Suzanne has something to say about :: :: ::

I've been mulling and thinking and reading about parenting and discipline and so forth for weeks and months now. I have learned that absolutely nothing will shine the spotlight on one's character flaws as harshly and relentlessly as will parenting. I am striving to be more gentle, more nurturing, more affectionate, more playful. If you knew me B.C. (before children) you might be surprised that these are on my wish-list, as I think we all thought that I would be Mama-Nurturer-Extrordinaire. Nope, I am crabby and out-of-sorts more than I wish to be.

. . . nothing will shine the spotlight on one's character flaws as harshly and relentlessly as will parenting.



Part of it is that I need alone time to recharge. And I do get alone time. On Mondays I drop off Chickadee at dance class at 3:00 and I don't have to pick Dandy up until 3:15, so there is 10-12 minutes of solitude right there.

When I don't get enough recharging time I find that I create alone-time even when the kids are around, and I don't create it in healthful ways. I am distant and unavailable during parts of the day. HUH? This from a woman seeped in attachment-parenting reading? From a woman whose heart's desire was to be a Mama?

Anyway, I'm reading lots of Mama blogs and lots of Christian Mama blogs to rev myself up for the kinder and gentler and more fully present Mama campaign. I ran across this helpful post over at MommyCoddle:new growth.

What blogs do you read for parenting wisdom? If you are new to this blog, you may want to know that even though I have only been a mom for six months, my children are 5 and 7 years old. That story is told over at Jamie And Suzanne Go To Russia, At Last.
~Suzanne

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4 much appreciated comments:

elle said...

I think this is something as moms we all go through. Especially those of us who are stay at home moms. I find it particularly difficult because we were married for 10 years prior to having children and for the last 3 I didn't work outside the home. I had all day every day to myself. Now my days are filled as sole caregiver to my child. I can't even go to the bathroom alone. We work so hard on attachment that we tend to overlook our own needs. While in the short term this is a good thing, the long term results can be devastating on our families and personal sanity.

The point is, it is ok to take time for yourself. Don't think that you are going to damage your children if you do so.

September 20, 2008 at 12:25 PM
Rhonda said...

I do the same thing sometimes. I just need a break for a little while. So, I make the kids play outside or something while I catch my breath. There's nothing wrong with it. I agree with Elle, our needs are important. I am an introverted personality and I MUST have time alone to recharge. It has to happen or I am not an effective parent. And let's face it, no one can be a perfect parent for 12 hours straight while the kids are up. I hope to be one 50% of the time. Some days I only hit 10%.

September 20, 2008 at 12:26 PM
Rhonda said...

I do the same thing sometimes. I just need a break for a little while. So, I make the kids play outside or something while I catch my breath. There's nothing wrong with it. I agree with Elle, our needs are important. I am an introverted personality and I MUST have time alone to recharge. It has to happen or I am not an effective parent. And let's face it, no one can be a perfect parent for 12 hours straight while the kids are up. I hope to be one 50% of the time. Some days I only hit 10%.

September 20, 2008 at 12:27 PM
Kate said...

Suz, are you a Love And Logic fan? I am. I won't drone on and on, but do think it's a good fit for my personality. It might suit you, too. How about Dobson's books?

September 20, 2008 at 12:27 PM

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Here I chatter about books, parenting, election 2008, recipes, teaching college writing, and the adventures of getting settled in with our two freshly (Fall 06) adopted school-age children from Russia. This blog is chapter two; chapter one is posted at Jamie & Suzanne go to Russia. I live in the City of Subdued Excitement, Cascadia, Land of the Free.

I am the wife of a man I call My Gift from a Generous God. I am mama to two lovely children, Dandy and Chickadee that became ours in September 2006 in a court-room in Siberia. I am the daughter of two people whom I love and admire. One of them, my dad, is a new (Dec 06) paraplegic.

In my previous life (B.C. - before children), I was a college English teacher, specializing in composition and ESL composition.

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